Aug 7 2014

GIVEAWAY: Share your thoughts on Breastfeeding & win a £50 Amazon Voucher

Posted on August 7, 2014 by admin

SOURCE: SafeHealthyChildren.org

I was recently contacted by Benenden (personal health care experts) about a survey they’ve undertaken to coincide with this week’s World Breastfeeding Week. The aim was to unpack some of the concerns women have about breastfeeding in public, and to try and dig a little deeper as to other people’s views, both for and against. It certainly makes for interesting reading.

By surveying men and women from a range of age groups and ethnicities, the hope was to not just find out just how much of the population doesn’t agree with breastfeeding in public, but why this is and whether these opinions are impacting on a mother’s decision to breastfeed. While many people don’t see a problem with it, many others find it quite off-putting and even offensive – but why? Is it down to personal views or even a deeper reason, such as faith?

SOURCE: The Metro, 2011

The results!

Encouragingly, the survey reveals that 84% of those surveyed either breastfed, or supported their partner in doing so. The pro-breastfeeding message is clearly getting through as the majority of those answering affirmatively cite their reason for choosing breast milk is that it’s healthier than formula.

My views on this might be considered controversial, but bear with me.

Although it would be silly of me to argue with science (I know that breast milk is indeed more nutritious for baby), I have a real problem with the constant pressure from midwives, and have questioned their insistence on it fairly audibly on this blog. I felt very much as though the NHS strong-armed me into breastfeeding from the get-go with both of my children. Midwives never missed an opportunity to sell breastfeeding in antenatal classes, and I felt incredibly pressurised to whip out my boobs when recovering from my c-section with Dexter. This, despite the fact I was completely overwhelmed and sore from surgery.

Whilst I wholly support women who choose to breastfeed (I lasted 6 weeks with both of my children), I just wish healthcare professionals would be more supportive of those who choose not to do so. Indeed, there are some circumstances where breastfeeding is not possible, or even damaging to a woman’s mental health. I certainly felt there was a link between my own PND and breastfeeding.

Less than 10% of those who abandoned breastfeeding, or didn’t attempt it, cite emotive reasons such as feeling uncomfortable with it. Instead, the reasons given are largely practical such as pain or low milk supply. Sadly, lack of supply is actually a myth. Every woman has the capacity to breastfeed, and every woman who persists with it will have an adequate supply to sate baby. Similarly, pain is most likely a product of poor technique and could be nipped in the bud quickly by a lactation consultant. If you’re currently struggling and need a little support, I recommend the book Breastfeeding Made Easy by Carlos González which is great for debunking a variety of myths surrounding breastfeeding.

As regards the contentious issue of breastfeeding in public, the news is a little disheartening. I breastfed in public with Dexter just once, in a Macdonald’s carpark. I left the restaurant as I felt that I was putting people off their food, and forcing mums to confront a barrage of uncomfortable questions from their curious children. Needless to say my breastfeeding days with Dexter were numbered after this. It seems I’m not alone either.

I certainly have some sympathy with the 27% who cite that they abandoned breastfeeding as they’ve had difficulties getting themselves and baby into a comfy position. I struggled enormously with this due to my 34HH boobs. More worrying, however is the perceived negativity and hostility from onlookers. The press have certainly done a job on us all and are incredibly quick to print stories of nursing mums being kicked out of public spaces.

But it seems some of this paranoia is unfounded. Despite the fact that almost half of those surveyed had not attempted to breastfeed in public, perhaps more importantly only 20% of those that do embrace out-and-about feeds have experienced negativity from others. 20% is still too high in my opinion, but it’s certainly better than I expected.

Perhaps the most interesting response of all however is the feedback from those brave enough to voice their personal reasons for not appreciating breastfeeding in public (12% of people surveyed). Thankfully faith was cited by only a negligible number of people, and most went onto say they would be more supportive if a woman wore a cover-up.

Far from being upset by this, I find it refreshing. I actually share a few of these concerns myself as I felt so concerned about other people’s feelings when I was breastfeeding my children. Even at home I would retreat to the bedroom if we had guests.

Was I too prudish? Unnecessarily concerned? I don’t know. But I do try to the respect the choices of everyone, and mine was to breastfeed alone, at home.

* WIN a £50 Amazon voucher courtesy of Benenden *

In order to keep the debating going, Benenden are offering one lucky reader the chance to win £50 worth of Amazon vouchers. All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning, is share your experience of breastfeeding by leaving me a comment. If you’re yet to join the wonderful world of parenting you can just say what you think about the survey (HERE), or show your support (or indeed, lack of) for women who choose to breastfeed in public.

To make it fair, the winner will be picked completely at random by Rafflecopter.

Good luck guys!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

T&C’s – a.k.a – the boring bit!

Only 1 option is mandatory (leave me a comment) – the rest only improve your chances of winning so just complete as many as you feel like
UK entrants only – you must be over 18 too (sorry)
The winner will be contacted by email and must respond within 1 week of having been emailed (I’ll try all known avenues to contact them) or a new winner will be drawn
When the giveaway is closed, Rafflecopter will select the winner completely at random
The winners name will be published on this site

Win competitions at ThePrizeFinder.com

May 6 2014

Is breastfeeding to blame for my baby blues?

Posted on May 6, 2014 by admin

Breastfeeding is regarded by almost all as the best bonding experience between a mum and her baby. I’ve also heard dozens of mums talk of an overwhelming sense of pride that they’re able to solely sustain their babies. It all sounds very romantic and most mums will give it a good bash when they first meet their babies - myself included.

What’s more, every week the press will unveil some new benefit attributed to breastfeeding (sometimes spurious and ridiculous, but more often than not promoting the health and well-being of your baby in a way that can’t be ignored) - there was even some talk a few months back about the Government offering financial incentives to breastfeeding mums.

So if it’s that great, why am I this close to giving up?

Firstly there’s the way it makes me feel. I can’t seem to shake the thought that the act itself is primitive and animalistic. I feel like I’ve regressed to a dog or a cow swollen with milk. Adding to the effect, my breasts are large (currently 36H) meaning I’m favouring the rugby ball method with Heidi slung under my armpit on a cloud of pillows. This stops me smothering her with my breast but isn’t discreet and pretty like the pictures in the press. There’s nothing enjoyable about it either. I can’t gently stroke her head whilst she has her fill or she’d cop an elbow in the face! What’s more, it is isn’t really possible in the middle of Costa Coffee!

Add to this that fact I’m sporting a c-section wound that threatens to bust open at any moment, a baby that is yet to work out how to feed efficiently (one feed can take up to two hours), and a milk supply that has somewhat depleted given we had to introduce a few bottles of formula whilst waiting for my milk to come through, and hopefully I’m building a picture of just how much of a struggle this has been so far.

Then there’s the impact on my toddler. As I watch Dexter struggle to come to terms with Heidi joining the family, every cry takes on a heartbreaking quality. He’ll call for Mama and paw at my legs and arms begging me to get on the floor with him and help him with a board puzzle. But no, I’m stuck in the most unnatural position you can think of with Heidi. I also go a little like a zombie when I breastfeed - I find it exhausting so often nod off. A few days ago I awoke to find Dex sitting on the floor of the downstairs loo reading a book in floods of tears. It broke me and I cried the entire day.

The discomfort is made even worse by the fact that my uterus continues to contract when she’s latched on. This is a horrible sensation and brings back flashbacks of the trauma my body went through before I was wheeled through to theatre. Then there’s the obligatory sore nipples. Every latch is excruciatingly painful. I feel stupid even writing this when my nipples are barely cracked but when you’re wobbling over whether to pack it all in or not you look for any excuse to quit - this is just another fat tick in the cons list.

Is it also selfish of me to worry about what state my boobs will be in when this is all over?

All this has led to me seriously questioning whether it’s worth it. I know this might sound melodramatic, unnatural and even shocking to some, but I’m almost resenting Heidi’s insatiability and the sheer amount of time it takes to feed her. I feel so desperately sorry for Dexter and feel like a bad mum to both children. I hate the way it makes me feel about her, and I hate the way that Dexter is left for such long periods of time to entertain himself. Worst of all, I hate myself for even allowing these thoughts to creep on in.

I know I’ll be disappointed with myself if I admit defeat so easily. If Heidi gets more efficient and I make a real effort to wean her off these bottles, this could really work for us when I’m fully healed - it’s certainly easier than faffing around with bottles in the kitchen at 3am! But this doesn’t change the fact that I’ll never be able to recreate our feeding position in public, or be apart from Heidi for any length of time - I can’t ever see myself being able to express with my lowly supply. The only alternative is a complicated combination routine that I simply don’t trust myself to stick to.

I need some advice guys, I really do. Is there a connection between breastfeeding and baby blues? Perhaps this is the problem. I know that Craig is worried now and is keen for me to stop. He’s the one that sees me in tears daily, or irritable with Heidi. He thinks I’m putting too much pressure on myself and he has a point. I suffered quite badly with PND with Dex and do worry that some of the old signs are there again. Surely it’s not natural for me to dread feeding my baby?

Aug 29 2013

Midwives and Breastfeeding Sensitivity Training

Posted on August 29, 2013 by admin

Visiting a friend (and first-time mummy) a few weeks ago I was shocked to find her in tears. She’d been really struggling with breastfeeding and worried that her baby appeared to be losing weight. Although she followed up with her midwife and was reassured that baby was fine, she clearly wasn’t. She was exhausted. When I delicately broached the subject of combination feeding or perhaps expressing so her partner could assist her, she got even more distressed. Like most new mums who are feeding on-demand, expressing was really difficult and not yielding enough. Her partner was also very insistent that she carry on with breastfeeding.

When I left her house that day I couldn’t stop mulling over her dilemma. She was clearly crying out for help but running into a brick wall. She didn’t have any options. Very emotional and tired she wasn’t able to make the decision to discontinue breastfeeding on her own, and wasn’t receiving the support she needed to do so from her partner. I didn’t want to advise her against something that her partner seemed so passionate about as this would be tantamount to meddling in her relationship. Although it seems so strange to me that her other half would be so obstinate, it’s not really his fault. When I began to think about my own experience of breastfeeding with Dexter, I can absolutely see where his anxiety stems from - their midwife.

Craig came to most of my ante-natal appointments when I was pregnant with Dexter. As he is self-employed, this often meant he lost money but it was important to him to learn as much as he could before D Day. The obligatory breastfeeding class was one exception. He was swamped with work and it didn’t seem relevant to him. It turns out I was the only woman who attended alone - the room was full of couples.

For me, the class was pretty pointless. We covered the benefits of breastfeeding (which were all helpfully contained within leaflets we were sent home with anyway) and were assured our midwives would be there to help and support us. I learnt nothing that I couldn’t have read for myself and was fed up that I’d travelled on three buses to get to the class when I was heavily pregnant.

It’s not that I don’t think breastfeeding is important. We all know the health advantages for baby, the financial advantages, the bonding opportunity… the fact it could help you shift that pesky baby weight… I will definitely try again with this new baby. I was however a little surprised that the breastfeeding expert leading the class didn’t even mention bottle feeding. At the very least I think she should have touched upon the fact that it is perfectly acceptable and there are some instances where it is the only option (for mothers with premature babies etc).

I remember getting home and telling Craig the bare bones, thrusting the leaflet in his hands whilst he was engrossed Manchester Utd on the telly, and casually mentioning that I wanted to give it a try. Although he’s the most attentive father in the entire world, I very much doubt he was bothered what I was blathering on about that day. As long as Dexter was born healthy, and I was safely through the birth and coping in my new role as mummy, Craig wasn’t particularly bothered how he was fed. He just wanted Dexter and I to be safe and well.

Dexter was born via emergency c-section at 38 weeks. He was by no means premature, but it did come as a huge shock to us both. I was just one day into my maternity leave when my placenta abrupted and I bled out. It was around midnight and when the ambulance arrived both of us were fearing the worst. On reflection, we’d had a completely stress-free pregnancy up until that point and we needn’t have worried. We were at the hospital within 30 minutes of that bleed and in the best possible place to get baby out - I think we were just mentally unprepared to face that prospect at that moment.

When Dexter was in our arms we were overwhelmed - like any new parent would be. I was groggy from a c-section and both of us were exhausted. I honestly don’t remember anyone asking me whether we intended to breastfeed but it was pretty clear from the off that was what the midwives wanted. At every opportunity (whether Dexter was asleep or not) they would be plucking him out of his hospital bassinet and laying him on my chest. Despite the fact my milk hadn’t fully come through yet, Dexter was encouraged to find my breast and suck - and to my delight, he seemed happy to latch on. Within just a few hours however, we were having issues. Although Dexter was suckling and engaged, he wasn’t receiving any milk.

I sought a midwife and asked to be bought some formula. I might aswell have spat on her and threatened to stab her - her face was positively thunderous.

Instead she grabbed my breasts and pummelled them. She insisted that massage would bring my milk through and I shouldn’t give up so easily. Thrusting a pipette in Craig’s hands, she told him to catch any dribbles and demonstrated how he should be massaging my breasts. She then flounced off and said she’d be back in an hour. An hour later Craig and I hadn’t managed a single drop, I was sore from all the squeezing and Dexter was pretty distressed. Once again, I insisted on formula.

Finally she relented and agreed to go to the storeroom for us (I think it was due to the fact that Dexter was disturbing the entire ward) but even this was met with some serious attitude. She asked me which brand I wanted and (naturally) Craig and I didn’t quite know what to say. Our response was something along the lines of “What would you suggest?” and we were quickly enlightened that she was unable to suggest a recommend a brand for legal purposes. I completely understand that a midwife can’t be seen to endorse a specific product but she wouldn’t even tell us the brands they stocked. I can honestly say I was royally pissed off that we had to google “UK Baby Milk” and pick the first one that came up before our son could be placated.

A few hours later I asked to be discharged from hospital. I understand this is pretty atypical for a woman who has had a caesarean but I was practically climbing the wall at this point. I have a fear of hospitals and was pretty fed up. The same bolshy midwife came over and informed me that she wouldn’t sign off the discharge papers until she had witnessed two successful latches from Dexter. If I could get him to feed, I was to press my buzzer and send for her. For some strange reason we agreed and followed her instructions to the letter - we were home just a few hours later.

When I look back on it - I’m absolutely FURIOUS. I was a 30-year-old woman with a 40-year-old partner - I didn’t expect to be bribed or belittled. I asked to be sent home, I was medically fine to be sent home, I should have told her to go to hell. Despite playing her game, we still stopped at a 24-hour Tescos on the way home to buy formula. The most important thing to us was that Dex was fed. Of course I was going to put every effort into breastfeeding, but not at the expense of my child’s health. If he needed milk, he’d get it - from me or from a carton.

Turns out it wasn’t needed. Much to the midwife’s surprise, we stuck with it and Dex was exclusively breastfeed for the few 5 weeks. The process was only halted by Dex’s hospitalisation with Strep B. I was unable to express a sufficient amount so Dex had to switch to the bottle. There was not one moment’s deliberation; I wasn’t disappointed at all.

080 Midwives and Breastfeeding Sensitivity Training

Dexter on the bottle

Bottle feeding certainly had its advantages. For one, both mum and dad can feed baby and share responsibility for the nightfeeds. There was also no anxiety over Dex was eating enough - we followed the instructions and knew he was getting the feeds he needed. Do I feel guilty, upset or sad? Not in the slightest.

With this new baby, I hope to breastfeed longer. Why? Not because of the health benefits to baby I can assure you! I know my baby will be as happy on formula as he is my breast and I won’t be swayed by the dozens of utterly ridiculous studies that exist out there. I don’t for one second believe my baby will be more intelligent, more handsome, more happy as result of receiving my breast milk. I just want to do it for me.

And will Craig support my decision? Yes.

And would he feel differently had he been to that breastfeeding class with me? Who knows

I seriously doubt it. Craig has quite a rational brain and if he saw that I was emotionally and physically struggling with breastfeeding, he would have immediately thought of me first. Having said that, if Craig wasn’t the man he is, then the insistence of the midwife combined with that completely singually focused class, then I can understand why some men can be inflexible.

My response?

I have my own theory on why the NHS are pushing breastfeeding so fervently. I suspect the midwives are set targets by the government or hospital trusts to send as many new mums home as breastfeeders as possible. I have absolutely no proof of this but can say that every single feed Dexter took from my breast in those first few hours were religiously documented by the midwife.

I think this is utterly ridiculous. We’re not ‘targets to be met’ - I’m a responsible adult who wants the best for my child and I won’t be dictated to by a midwife ever again. I completely agree that as many people as possible should be encouraged to breastfeed, BUT believe this should be done with sensitivity. It is simply not at all fair to put a first-time mum under such pressure. It would be far better for the midwife to properly outline a mother’s options and give her the choice. If we specifically state that we want to breastfeed then please help us and encourage us not to give up, but DON’T bully us into it. If our next midwife does this to us, she will be reported.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had a whinge about breastfeeding - you can reading more here