I recently, perhaps naughtily, had a bit of a row on Twitter over gender neutral parenting. My adversary was spouting forth the usual gumpf about gender inequality and how she felt her children were being force-fed narratives about their sex. It was all as wishy-washy as it sounds as I type it; a load of misplaced anxiety from a parent who’s read too much and thought too little.

I’ve written a fair old bit about gender stereotyping here on My Mills Baby. Personally, I don’t subscribe to the view that every shop should avoid girl / boy aisles and things should be categorised by age only. It makes shopping clumsy and means you’re often frustrated by a lack of order. Having said that, I don’t consciously buy things that conform to outmoded notions of gender either. Even when Dex was the only child in the family, he had a healthy mix of pinks and purples in his toy collection.

Yet best intentions aside, Dexter is very much a boy. If you led him into a nursery I have no doubt whatsoever he’d trudge defiantly past a soft toy collection and hunt down a tractor, fire engine or helicopter to play with. His tv choices are based on the same crude interests with Fireman Sam, Horrid Henry and Postman Pat scoring high with the little dude. He has his own tablet which we give him when travelling in the car (he has a tendency to vomit on himself on long journeys), and I always have one ear out for a bit of Frozen or Tangled - but nope.

He does love a bit of role play and won’t turn down a spot of pretend cooking or hobby-horsing, but these tend to be the only times we see him engrossed in non gender specific play. He’s still much convinced he’s the only person on the planet at the moment and can be quite selfish with his toys, but he’ll never fight over a teddy or a doll - these are things he’s quite happy to throw in his sister’s direction - unless it’s a Minion or Postman Pat of course.

Heidi, on the otherhand, is far less prescriptive about her toys. Sure, she’s happier snuggling up to soft toys than Dexter ever was, but in the same breath she’ll make a concerted effort to grab anything her big brother is playing with Of course she hasn’t got a clue she’s a girl yet so we shouldn’t read too much into her interests at this point.

So do I feel at all concerned that Dexter in particular is so quickly falling into the role that the media is so persistently berated for portraying? Not at all. For some, the waging of war against gender stereotyping pervades every aspect of their parenting style for fear their child’s early experiences will be somehow limited. I think this is just utter nonsense and posturing for posturing’s sake. I feel no need to foist playthings upon my children in the name of gender equality. They’re very lucky to have a bulging toy chest that rivals that at Dexter’s nursery; they pick what appeals, and whatever that might be is just fine with me.

Toys can be an extension of a child’s personality, but it certainly doesn’t define them.