Tag Archives: Work

Mar 5 2013

Why I Postponed Motherhood

Posted on by

If you’d have told me ten years ago I’d be a mummy at 30-years-old - I’d have laughed at you. It was around then that a few of my old school friends were announcing their engagements and pregnancies on Facebook (at twenty-ish years old). I remember thinking to myself they were too young and were rushing head-first into such huge decisions that could only end badly. I was convinced I knew better.

Off I went to university, and soon after started a career in Marketing and Operations. I moved from Chichester to Derby, to Oxford, to London and had various failed relationships under my belt before I began to feel the pull of home. By this time, those school friends of mine were on baby 2 or 3 and were happily married. To this day, I can only name a handful who are now divorced or seem unhappy.

581966 3306116305063 951039301 n Why I Postponed Motherhood

(2006) The University Years! That’s me, on the far right.

So did I get it wrong? Did I miss out? Knowing how ‘complete’ I feel now as a mum, did I prioritise a career (to the detriment of my relationships) and unnecessarily postpone motherhood?

I’m not suggesting I should have tried to have children with previous boyfriends. Deep down, I knew even then that those relationships weren’t secure enough to have introduced a mini me into the mix. But then, I wouldn’t have been in these relationships in the first place if I’d have stayed in my hometown and not been so bloody-minded. I wouldn’t have even have had to have laid my ambitions to one side - I grew up in Reading where there were plenty of opportunities. I didn’t have to move from town to town.

Instead I wasted several years being unhappy, alone, and lost. Of course, I wouldn’t have told you this if you’d have asked me back then. I was bringing home lots of money, practically thrived on stress, and was quite ruthless in every sense of the word. No wonder my relationships broke down - I expected them to share my dreams, my ambition and my drive to succeed, but I didn’t know where to stop. No one could live up to my expectations so were driven away by my competitiveness.

After ten years away from home I was tired, mentally frazzled and ready for a big change.

When I moved back to Reading, it didn’t take long for Craig and I to find each other again. When we did, I surpised myself once again and we brought up the issue of children almost immediately. Now, less than 2 years into our relationship, we have Dexter, and are 100% committed to having another baby. Part of me just wishes I’d be in a position to write this very post five years ago.

Now I’m a stay at home mummy without all the pressures of a highly stressful workplace to distract me from what is important. I have a gorgeous baby boy and an amazing relationship with a funny, care-free, and hardworking man - but he’s not ambitious in any way. Sure we have dreams of moving to Australia, and being the best parents you’ve ever seen - but these ambitions don’t feature high-powered jobs. And I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

052 Why I Postponed Motherhood

My Little Family (2013)

Perhaps I wouldn’t be the person I am now without having gone through those ‘wasted’ years. Perhaps if I hadn’t had the experiences I have, I wouldn’t be so happy where I’ve ended up. Perhaps I’m being ridiculously self-indulgent and this post would have been better off trapped in a notebook somewhere. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

All I know is, that I was proved wrong. I was wrong to be dubious about my friends marrying their childhood sweethearts, and I was wrong about them missing out on university, dream jobs, and years of independence. I seriously thought I’d be a better prepared and better equipped mum than them and I was wrong. Nothing better prepares you or equips you for motherhood than simply being a mummy. It truly is my biggest regret not rushing home and finding Craig sooner.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new ~ Rajneesh

 

 

 

Dec 10 2012

O Christmas Tree! Special thanks to Cambium

Posted on by

Last year was a comedy of errors as far as the Christmas Tree goes. We had just moved house, I was heavily pregnant, and we left it far too late to buy a tree. We debated not getting one and tried to tell ourselves we didn’t need one, but seeing the hundreds of pretty trees posted on Facebook, I eventually snapped and barked at Craig that we had to have one.

So two weeks before Christmas Craig virtually had to perform an Indiana-Jones-style-roll through the doors at Homebase before they shut for evening. Rushing through to the plant section he had to literally wade through scores of broken and deformed trees to find one large enough for our lounge. I remember that tree very well as it ended up living in our bath for two days. It had an abnormally large base and didn’t fit in our planter. We had tried laying in down in our kitchen and hacking at it with a carving knife (in hindsight - the most inappropriate tool ever) to try to slice off some of the excess - but it’ll come as no surprise this didn’t work.

In desperation we posted on Twitter and Facebook appealing for someone to help us track down a planter big enough to hold up our tree. As the only response we got was from Cumbria, we ended up waiting for an auction to end on eBay for a resizable one in London (50 miles away). Craig then had to take time off work to go and pick up the bloody thing. With a tree languishing in our bath, it literally couldn’t come soon enough - it had begun to show signs of mould and had developed a kind of curvature of the spine resulting in a very prominent bend in the trunk.

When we finally got the tree up, the wonky bit threatened to tip it up at any moment. We ended up propping it up against the wall and giving it a wide berth for the 3 weeks it was up. With the lights costing us £80 (as everywhere had run out of the cheap ones) that tree was nightmare from start to finish!

So this year, when an old friend messaged me on Facebook with an offer of a tree delivered to our door, we bit his hand off. The offer was from Stuart from Cambium - a specialist corporate plant supplier that I have worked with before in a professional capacity. I’ve actually been an office manager for several London-based firms, and always took Cambium with me from job to job. They’ve supplied me with perfectly manicured indoor trees and ornate flowers that always got wonderful comments from colleagues and office visitors. Cambium were always such an absolute pleasure to work with and the plants always looked fabulous (despite my considerable knack for killing plants just by admiring them).

As a special thank you for inviting them to tender for a few big contracts, Stuart has given us the most beautiful tree for our home. It has to go down as the best tree we’ve ever had - fantastically bushy and smells divine. It’s certainly made up for all the stress of last year and we’re so grateful.

We had lots of fun decorating it and I only hope we’ve done it justice - what do you think? I’m not sure we’ll be winning any prizes soon…

Oct 15 2012

Loving my little family

Posted on by

What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing family?

We’ve had a rough time of it in the Mills household. I’ve taken the tough decision to go back on maternity leave. Despite a promising showdown with my mother in hospital, she’s now rediscovered her demons and is ill again. As I’m fearing the worst, I’ve chosen to spend a bit more time with her. Craig has therefore had to forsake his daddy-time and go back to work full-time. It’s taken a lot of late-night chats and tears to get to this point but it’s now decided and I’m with Dexie until February.

Craig allergies also took hold this week and he came down with a full-blown chest infection. He’s a Man so doesn’t complain but I forced him to go to the out-of-hours surgery on Saturday after listening to him struggle to breathe throughout the night. The problem: Billy. I’ve tried to ignore it since Craig and I started living together but it clearly couldn’t go on any longer. Billy the cat is my best friend. I’ve had him for 6 years and he’s been through various house-moves and failed relationships with me. We’ve been inseparable since I got him and I’m gutted that he and Craig can’t live together. But Craig is desperately allergic to Billy and I simply can’t jeopardise his health any longer.

billy1 Loving my little family

Missing my hairy son Billy

So Billy was re-homed yesterday. He’s gone to live with his Nan and Granddad about 10 minutes down the road. I’m gutted but pleased I’ll still get to see him regularly. He’s well used to staying around Nanny’s house as she’s had him over when Craig and I have taken weekends away. I know he’ll be more than happy there but I still miss tripping over him on the stairs, him meowing at me for a second breakfast because he thinks I’m oblivious to the fact that Craig has already fed him, him chasing dust around the lounge… He’s such a little legend there were no shortage of ‘takers’.

So Craig can finally get some respite. The doctor says he has a chest infection. His chest is really quite weak from years of smoking in his childhood. He gave up years ago but the damage was irreparable and the slightest cold sends him wheezing and brings on his asthma. inevitably, with all the sneezing, I’ve now got it. Luckily, I’m still covered by a flu jab during my pregnancy and tend to fight off illnesses easily. But poor Dexie is, as yet, untested.

He started displaying signs of a cold last night. He sounded a little bit like Darth Vader and was coughing a fair bit. Then the sneezing set in and we began to worry. Dosed with Calpol and saline drops we put him to bed with a Karvol soakedtissue buried in his teddies. He didn’t complain once and went to sleep. I was up with him again at 3am as he started crying and wrestling with his blanket. As the heating wasn’t on and this house gets chilly downstairs in the night, I changed him in his room then told him I’d be back with things ‘to make him feel better’. I’m not naive and know he doesn’t understand me, but he patiently waited for me to return with a warm bottle and more Calpol. He was so quiet I thought perhaps he had gone back to sleep, but no, he was watching the door waiting for me to return and smiled when I approached his cot.

I administered his meds and he was quiet and seemingly grateful. He snatched his bottle from my hands and fed himself as if to say “I’m okay mum, stop fussing”. I went back to bed when he’d finished and left him coo’ing at his toys. The plan was to let him tire himself out so he would fall asleep naturally. Unfortunately he cried again within 15 mins. I gave him a big cuddle and popped him in bed with us and fell asleep within seconds. The whole night-time saga lasted 3 hours which seems like a lifetime at that time in the morning. It’s also completely out of character given he usually sleeps right through. Having said that, it was an absolute pleasure looking after him as he was such a brave little man. We’re very in-tune with each other now and I feel really confident that I can trust my mummy instincts to help him through the difficult times.

I’m definitely feeling very grateful this week. My employers were very sympathetic and understanding, Craig continues to surprise me with his undying support, love, and resilience, and Dexter is the most perfect baby I could ever have wished for. Given I have thrown more than my fair share of tantrums this week, I’m really in awe of my little family and dedicate this post to them.

pixel Loving my little family