You might have noticed I’ve been quiet for the last week - I’ve even ignored my emails! Don’t worry, I haven’t finally admitted defeat and allowed Craig to section me, I’ve just been struggling through my first ever bout of hayfever (note: I was diagnosed with hypochondria in my teenage years and never quite grew out of it - so let’s just call it the novovirus). We’ve also considerably ramped up our search to find Dexter the perfect nursery so have been busy inspecting every listing on Yell.com within a 10 mile radius - I’m deadly serious.

You see, with Dexter being our first child, I don’t think we really realised what we were in for. We always knew we wanted to get him in somewhere early (he’s 2 years 1 month) as we’re beginning to notice what a lonely little figure he cuts when we’re around other children. He’ll hang back and watch the others, maybe try and show them some ‘treasure’ (more than likely an empty Evian bottle he’s fished out of his change bag and that he’ll refuse to part with for the rest of the day), get rebuffed, then play on his own. If another child pushes him, he’ll simply allow himself to be shoved around.

I know I shouldn’t be too concerned that he’s not very sociable yet. I’m not saying I’d like him to react aggressively when he stumbles across a bully either. I totally understand that he doesn’t talk yet so finds it frustrating that he can’t communicate with other children. Although he does have a huge extended family on his dad’s side, most of them are older and run rings around him. We just want him to be happy and confident, if that’s talking to imaginary animals like Christopher Robin then that’s fine.

Nursery seemed to offer us the perfect solution. He’ll get to interact with children his own age, make as much mess as he wants without me popping too many anti-depressants, and will get potty trained by experts so I won’t have to make the call on my own. Oh, and anything they can do to help me discipline my little tike will be much appreciated - I’m sick to death of him pulling out the wires from the back of the television!

So now, ten nurseries down, we’ve finally found our favourite nursery. We’re well up on all the jargon.. ‘free-flow areas’, ‘self-selection boxes’… We know we’ll be hacking into our beer budget and will have to buy own brand loo rolls for awhile, but Dexter will get to go to the best nursery in Reading for two afternoons a week.

This place is just beyond anything you would expect. Craig came out of there saying “It’s the Daddy of all nurseries” when before he’d been pushing for a cheaper preschool. The garden is huge and sensory overload for any curious tot; there are tortoises in there, they grow their own vegetables and cook the produce, they catch frogs… They have insanely good Ofsted reports… They teach your child everything they need to prepare them for school - including carrying trays for when their free school meals kick in.

To say we’ve been seduced by a nursery is an understatement. We’ve been taken out for dinner, plied with champagne and we’ve even slept with it on the first date. That’s very unlike Craig and I. We don’t often agree on anything, much less anything within an hour.

So here’s to a few hours a week without me having to sneak shots of Vodka in the utility room. I’ll be free of one of this Twosome! Cheers!