My final guest post this week is bought to you by Colette from We’re Going on an Adventure. She blogs all about life with her husband Dave, and two gorgeous children Ben & Chloe. I’m eternally grateful for this post as it’s a very honest account of how it feels to have birth planning go awry. As we’re both currently pregnant (even though she’s streaks ahead of me with baby number 3 due in November) and both have C-sections booked, this post is very close to me right now. This is the reality of birthing when there are mitigating factors - it’s emotional, refreshingly honest, and a bit of a departure from her usual funny style. I love her for letting me host it and wish her every success with the birth of baby 3. I’ll be glued to her blog to find out how it goes (and gush over those precious newborn pictures!) and I hope you will be too.
I’m one of those people who likes a good list, I like to be organised and I like to know what’s happening. For some reason I didn’t feel quite the same about birth and knew that I needed to be relaxed about it and go with the flow a bit more. I knew what I didn’t want (home or water births really held no appeal) and I knew what I did want – natural labour, minimum drugs (of course) but I also knew that I had little control over that and that as long as baby came out healthy nothing else really mattered. I never bothered to write a birth plan as I just saw that as setting myself up to be disappointed. I spoke at length to my husband about how I wanted things to go and what his role was to be and that was as far as the planning went. Just as well really because what I ended up with was pethidine, an epidural and eventually an emergency C-section. Much as I was disappointed to have had the C-section I knew it was the right thing for me and Ben at the time, I didn’t have a choice in the matter and that made it easier to accept.
Second time round and I really wanted to attempt the VBACs. Again I didn’t bother with the birth plan just discussed with my consultant and husband that I didn’t want another C-section. I really wanted to give birth naturally etc etc. When the time came and I ended up being induced early I had to just take it as it came – which in the end wasn’t very well. Two days of attempting to induce via balloon catheter (hideous thing) and pessary ended up in another emergency C-section (whilst it was classed as an emergency because it wasn’t planned, I must stress there was nothing particularly urgent about it). Because the decision was taken the night before that I would be having the C-section I was able make it clear how I wanted things to go – for example that this time I wanted my baby delivering onto my chest rather than whisked away and brought back to Dave. I really wanted Dave in there while I was having the spinal as that was the one bit I found really frightening – but they wouldn’t allow it. My second C-section, whilst not what I wanted, was definitely a better experience. I was however left with this nagging feeling that maybe I could have given birth naturally if I’d fought harder, if I’d made them wait – but then at the same time I was being induced for good reason so who was I to argue.
So now to the imminent arrival of number 3. I was always told that if I had anymore children it would automatically be by C-section. I pretty much accepted that but over the last few months I’ve been told more than once that actually that’s not always the case now and that if I wanted to try and give birth naturally they would support me in that – however this was always tempered with the information that a) they wouldn’t allow me to be induced and b) they wouldn’t allow me to go over due (or in fact probably reach my due date). So effectively for me to give birth naturally baby needs to decide to come early and then who’s to say I wouldn’t end up with a C-section anyway and a whole heap of disappointment in another “failed” attempt. In the end I’ve pretty much accepted that I will be having a planned section (I refuse to call it elective as that suggests a choice and really I don’t have one). My section is booked, I know the date Beak will be here and that feels really strange. If for any reason this baby decides it would rather make its entrance slightly early I will go with that, I will let labour progress under the watchful eyes of the professionals and see what happens but I know in all likelihood that this baby is coming out of “the sunroof”.
I feel cheated that I’ve never been able to experience a natural birth but I appreciate that with Ben I was at least able to experience labour, I know what it feels like to have my waters break in the middle of the night and to suffer the contractions for hours on end. I won’t ever get to feel the elation of having pushed my own baby out but really, in the scheme of things what does it matter? I have two happy, healthy children who don’t care a jot how they came into the world. I think I’m probably more nervous about this section than I have been in the past but that’s because I know its coming – I’ve never had chance to worry about it before!
I would be really interested to know if you made a birth plan, whether it was helpful and indeed whether you were actually able to stick to it or not?
To find out more about Collette and her family (and indeed follow her latest pregnancy!) beyond her blog, you can connect with her on the following social media accounts:
Twitter –@Lollinski
Facebook - We’re Going on an Adventure
Pinterest – Collette - We’re Going on an Adventure
I did make a birth plan yet I never saw it through as the pool room was occupied and my daughter had turned slightly and I needed to go on a drip… though in all fairness my labour was pretty straight forward and if I knew it was going to be exactly the same I would do it again tomorrow!
Wishing you all the best x
Sim @ Sims Life recently posted…Sober For October - Support Booze Free Bloggers
That’s just it - no matter how frightening, painful and overwhelming it is, it doesn’t stop us doing it! All births are amazing and miraculous whether a doctor has to step in or not x
I had birth plans for both of mine, neither were followed to the letter, I was induced with Lil Man and Lil Miss arrived so quickly no one had time to even find the birth plan, let alone read it!! But I do feel very blessed to have had natural births with them both & uncomplicated ones at that. I think I’d probably feel the same as you having had c-sections but I suppose I’d probably rather have a planned one than an emergency if there was a choice & one might be more likely anyway. You can only do what feels right for you! xx
Kate recently posted…Reflections
That’s just it - In my case, I’m being persuaded that a C Section is the least risky option given my placenta literally fell apart late pregnancy with Dexter. He also got Strep B so vaginal birth means that a higher risk of baby being exposed to it. I still have the option to refuse though and push for natural labour. I just have no idea what I’ll end up doing.
Aww this is a lovely post. You are right - it doesn’t really matter how the baby comes out as long as all is healthy and well. I loved the nervous excitement felt each and every time when my waters broke with my little ones, and you have experienced that - and the contractions eeek! Lots of women go straight to C-Section and don’t feel these at all, so in this way you have experienced both types of birth.
Oh and as for pushing out the baby - meh. When the head comes out - wowcher, nothing compares to that pain - I wish I could forget it!!
Great post!
Kerrie McGiveron recently posted…Review: Twinkl Online Resources
Tee hee - I love this comment. This is exactly how I feel. I’d love to experience the excitement of having my waters break, rushing to the hospital, checking dilation, sampling the gas and air… but the thought of actually pushing out baby frightens me to death.
I never made a birth plan for the simple reason that I knew I would end up disappointed that it hadn’t gone as I’d planned. I never got the water birth that I always wanted but I am happy that in the end I have got 4 beautiful healthy children x
chantelle hazelden recently posted…The ponies, the horse and a donkey
This is it Chantelle - I do wonder if a birth plan is just setting you up to fail? How many people actually get their “dream birth”? It’s not as though you can plan these things is it?
x
Colette recently posted…New Shoes!
I know. I’ve seen people heartbroken over birth plans. It’s not just the C Secs vs Natural Labour debate either - there’s overwhelming demand for the birthing pool that is so rarely met too. It’s good to give women the choice, but I think they should underline the fact that birthing is unpredictable and that over-preparation is apt to lead to disappointment.
Lol - the birthing pool looks really cool right? Some women look really glam in it too! There’s just not enough of them though. It’s a lottery.
Don’t feel cheated. I had x2 emergency c-sections. The most important thing is you and the baby being well and sometimes we have to work with what we’re given
Alison recently posted…How to Embed a Google+ Post on Your Blog
You are absolutely right Alison and the sensible part of me knows that and holds on to it very tightly
x
Colette recently posted…New Shoes!
I wonder if part of the reason we feel so deflated over the C-Section predicament is because natural birth is romanticised on telly. I know I’m often in bits after One Born and wanting a natural birth more than over. But those births are condensed into an hour programme - I have to remind myself the reality is very different.
Of course you’re right. My experience was slightly different as I bled out before I even got to experience any labour pains. This time round it’ll be scheduled in so I’m unlikely to experience it once again. I just love the thought of getting up in the night and seeing my waters have gone… It plays on my mind everyday whether I should push for a VBAC.
Like you I didn’t have a birth plan, and was prepared to go with the flow. All for the best in the end as I ended up being induced early and when 3 days later I was still only 3cm dilated had an emergency section. Due to complications a c-section would be essential if I were lucky enough to have a second.
I don’t feel sad about that, just very grateful my son was brought into the world by some fabulous professionals who were brilliant, every step of the way xx
Pingback: A Much Needed Pick-Me-Up from Thorntons | My Mills Baby