We are all a little schizophrenic. Each of us has three different people living inside us every day—who you were, who you are and who you will become. The road to sanity is to recognise those identities, in order to know who you are today Shannon L Alder

This quote recently got me thinking.

Writing a blog for a living, I’m very prone to the odd exaggeration. And writing the way I do, I’m often portraying myself in a less than flattering light.

Whether I’m writing about the mess in my living room, writing about my long-suffering other half, or having an afternoon rant about the kid’s behaviour, I’ll always exaggerate to give my readers something to giggle about. Laughter cures most ills, and trust me, I get stressed a lot!

But when I think about the real me, I’m actually very different to the self-deprecating, vivacious and care-free woman that writes this blog. I’m actually almost agoraphobic and really enjoy my own company and that of my little family. We don’t do much together, but we do everything together. We attempt Tree Fu Tom’s magic dance moves together, we snack on cucumber and greek yoghurt together, we build towers together. Through doing so, we’ve become each others best friends, and all of us have come to rely upon each other.

Whether I’m looking to Heidi to fortify and validate me, or looking to Dexter to make me laugh and feel blessed, I love them both for what they give to me, and they love me for sustaining, comforting and loving them.

But the parent/child relationship is a strange one and I wonder if I’m informing their sense of self, or dictating it. More importantly, if I am shaping them, am I doing it well enough? Will they grow up as shy and inhibited as me? Will they get stressed and throw strops like I do? Will they vent through writing, or will they thrive in social situations and have tons of mates to have a whinge to? The suspense is killing me, but unless you place stock upon psychic readings, it really is a waiting game.

I remember watching Child of our Time by Dr Robert Winston some time ago and one of his comments on toddlers really stood out. He suggested that they only think of themselves, and their parents are merely there to serve them. This is why they will throw massive wobbleys when we dare to take the remote control off them. They are very much in the here and now, and can only process limited feelings - say, anger, tiredness or joy. For babies, their sense of self is even more limited,So Heidi has some way to go before we get to see who she really is; what her fears and aspirations are, and how she’ll interact with others.

Self-identities for mini people are dynamic. Before the age of four, a child’s sense of self is based on salient attributes that they consider are import, for example “I get into trouble a lot” or “I can’t jump as well as my big cousin” or “I am good at helping mummy and daddy”. A paper by Mark Ylvisaker takes this one stage further, stating that “identities are often imposed or at least encouraged by environmental or cultural forces”. This is why it’s more important than ever to respect your role as a parent and reinforce positive messages to your child. Telling them they are a good person, asking whether they like to listen, asking them how helpful they feel they are - all these things will help them understand who they are as a person.

It’s a powerful sentiment and one I’ll be embracing with Dexter & Heidi. Like every parent, I only want the best for my children, and want them to be better people than I am, even if I’m perfectly decent as a human being. I just can’t wait to sit down with them when they’re 20+ years old and have two very self-assured young minds to converse with.

Post in collaboration with TheCircle