It’s very rare nowadays that you’ll spot this huge, bloated, sagging wreck of a woman out and about roaming the streets. I’ve nicknamed myself Miss Daisy as I refuse to even walk to the shops. You’re far more likely to find me on the sofa with a tartan blanket draped over my legs barking “No’s” at Dexter as he rips the lounge apart. Even getting up for the loo at the moment sends tremors of pain down my left hand side.

A recluse I might be, but you’re just as unlikely to find me in the kitchen as you are walking down the red carpet at the Brit Awards this evening. I don’t think I’ve even so much as accidentally brushed the washing machine with a hip for a few weeks now. I’m just so flipping tired! At night I lay there resisting the urge to yank the alarm clock from the wall and launch it into the back garden. I do manage the odd nap throughout the day but all too often I’ll find myself glassing over during Countdown as I haven’t made the most of the opportunity when Dex goes for a siesta.

Just as well then that my son is a daddy’s boy. Like his daddy, he’s obsessed with anything remotely chore-like. He’d rather load the washing machine than enjoy a spot of colouring-in, and I’m often finding plastic play food in the oven. Give him a dustpan and brush and he’ll spend hours torturing spiders in the hallway. He’s also always happy to fling his toys back into his toy box every night.

He’d rather stuff the crayons back in the box than draw mummy a picture

Sounds ideal?

Well yes, I suppose it is. But I can’t see this Kim-and-Aggie-style partnership lasting for long. I’m sure he’ll take on teenage proportions before I know it and be leaving a sinkful of washing up on his bedroom carpet.

For now however, I’ll just sit back and enjoy my cleaning obsessed toddler… (and maybe take the credit for how spotless the house is when Craig gets home). If anyone wants to rent him, his rates are £15 per hour, no job is too big (or too little) and all payments are to be made out to his cash-strapped mummy. Oh and if any toys shops out there need their role-play household bits road-testing, I know a little man who’d be delighted to help out.

One thing is for certain… He doesn’t get it from me!